Matthew 11:28-30 come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
I knelt to pray but no words came out. I bowed low and said, “Lord, here I am, help me.” Then I tried to pray again but I felt even farther from my Beloved. I pushed through with my thoughts; I visualized my heart bursting with love but still nothing. I couldn’t master words to say a prayer. I paced back and forth to clear my mind, then I knelt sure this time around, I’ll be able to pray. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. I bound and rebuked the enemy, I pulled down strong hold, I cast out any spiritual attacks messing up with my prayers then tried again and still nothing came out. So I tried something different. I read the word, two chapters actually then I bowed low and opened my mouth and a frustrated cry filled the air.
“What do you want from me?” I said out loud and waited. No answer. “You know I’m trying, give me something”. I added a little louder. Maybe this time He will hear me and give me the words to pray. Sigh. Still nothing! Nothing! “What is my sin Lord?” I cried out. My heart felt dull. So I sat again and told Him how much I loved Him. I loved on Him with simple words and at one point realized I was laughing at something He had said.
Wait, now I’ll get it. I hurried to my knees and started praying again but my prayers fell flat. The words felt hollow. I sat down again frustrated and checked off everything I had tried to do to get in His presence. Frustrated, I took a pen and wrote down my feelings. Three pages later, I was still empty. I was still frustrated. I was still reeling. Hold on! I didn’t repent! I kneel again, and repent then prayed words that echoed back to me.
“Lord, where are you?’ I asked looking around like He would materialize from the shadows and tell me He was messing with me. “Why can’t I feel You?’ I waited and waited but still nothing. ‘I put on worship music and sang but my heart was far from the meaning of the words. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout. I wanted to yell. At who?
So, I sat on the floor and waited.
“Why are you striving?’
I sat up with a start? “What?”
“Why are you striving?
“Is that You Lord?” I asked a little afraid.
“Come” He gave but a simple answer but His love pulled me closer.
I sat down and spoke openly with Him. I told Him how much I loved Him, how much I adored Him and how much I missed Him.
When I opened my mouth to pray, I felt fire from the pits of my belly and strength I didn’t have filled me. From sitting on my legs to kneeling with arms stretched out like an eagle my prayer poured out. The words that came out of my mouth were strong and sure and there was power. I knew then all I had to do was approach Him for Him and not me. All I had to do was depend on Him, lean in to Him. He is a lover and He loves showering His bride with His love. He is a Savior; He will lift those who cry out to Him to higher heights. He is the forgiver of sins; He will wipe all the sins of those who repent. When you’re with Him, He requires one thing; you. No striving, no acting; no faking it till you make it. Only you. You are enough. Lay yourself down, no matter what state you’re in, He will welcome you again and again into His glorious presence.